It seems to me that every mom I know is harried. It doesn’t matter if she works or stays at home, her life has some element of chaos. I find myself standing in the shower, when I am able to get one in the morning, contemplating all the things that I need to do during the day, and then during the week, and it is just impossible. Some days I don’t want to answer the phone or check my email because it might contain just one more thing I need to do, or forgot to do, and since I am teetering on the edge, I might fall over. I don’t know what is over the edge exactly, but if it is less chaotic than where I am standing now, I might have to take the plunge.
My mornings this summer are much easier than when I have to drive a child to preschool. By 9am I have 3 kids dressed and fed and another one dropped off at the house. If I want to get any housework done I have to do it while Lily is napping around 10am until she wakes up. When she does get up I have about an hour to an hour and a half to run any errands that need to get done or take the kids to the park or library. At 12:30pm I make five lunches, feed four kids and put three down for naps. Ford takes a rest and I am exhausted. I clean up after three meals a day, make three, try to do laundry, clean the bathrooms, go grocery shopping, dust (well not really, but in theory), vacuum, clean the hardwood floors, run errands...
As I write it all out it doesn’t seem like a lot of work. I can’t add in the countless interruptions, both good and bad. Grace wants me to play tea party. Ford needs some help with his pirate ship. A child is having a melt down because something is not going the way they want it to (I must admit sometimes it isn’t the child but mommy having that meltdown).
Lately I have been wondering what it would be like not to be harried. If things just got done when they got done and I just stopped worrying about doing everything “right”. I wonder what it would be like to just let go of that last little scrap of control I have been holding on to, trust that everything is going to be all right, and fall. I want to remember my time with my kids as something really special.
When I look back on my week I can add up about 3 total hours that I spent on myself. This does not include sleeping or eating, but pure ME time. I get this time, usually in 10-15 minute spurts, sometimes it is just a cup of coffee before the kids get up in the morning. Last night I went to the movies with my sister. That kind of time is the most precious. Usually my ME time out of the house is at Trader Joes or Target. The movie wasn’t fantastic, but the company was… and it made me feel like an adult again.
There are big changes coming… super big… (and no I am not pregnant again, so don’t ask). Hopefully our lives will move towards that not-harried, peaceful, Zen-like experience that I need for our family. The theme of this year is: Simplify… I have a herd of gazelles grazing in my yard (if you don’t understand this reference that is OK, but you might want to check out Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover) and a serious plan to peace…. I don’t want to be Supermom anymore. When I tell people about my life their eyes get wide and they say, “Wow… I don’t know how you do it.” I don’t know how I do it either, and it is usually a survival of the fittest situation. Instead I want people to say, “Wow… that sounds like a great week.” … and mean it…
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