Bikini Body

 

Bikini Body

            This year I turn 30 years old.  I am a mother of three beautiful children and a wife to a wonderful husband.  This year I bought a bikini.  Every year my family goes on vacation to the Outer Banks in North Carolina. Ever since my son was born I have worn a one-piece bathing suit or a tankini, even though I find them uncomfortable and it is nearly impossible to find a full coverage bathing suit that doesn’t make me look like I am under 50.   

The truth is: I have horrible stretch marks.  

 I slathered on every advertised cream, drank tons of water, and watched my weight with my first pregnancy, but genetics can be stronger than will-power.  I was left with a beautiful baby boy and a completely scarred stomach.  Oh, how I cried when those first stretch marks appeared, somewhere in my 8^th month of pregnancy, and were quickly followed by many, many more.  I thought I was ruined.

            Now that I think back to my pre-pregnancy body I realize I was never satisfied with it either.  I was never skinny enough.  There was always some flaw I was desperate to be rid of.  If I had that body now I would be in 7^th heaven.  I guess that is the curse of youth.  Some time, a couple of months ago, I was looking in the mirror and I thought to myself, “This is the best you are going to look.  You might as well enjoy it.” So I decided to buy myself a bikini.   There are some that are likely to be horrified.  I certainly don’t look like a super model… or maybe I do.  Check out these pictures of “real” moms Cindy Crawford and Julia Roberts.  I am certainly not implying that moms without stretch marks  are not real… they are just very, very lucky.

Julia Roberts

 Cindy Crawford

Here are some pictures of me in a bathing suit.  The first one at the top of the post is from me when I was 15.  I was 19 in the picture directly below. The third was taken on my honeymoon when I was 22, and the fourth was taken the summer before I was married.  I am five months pregnant in the last at 27.

I remember being very upset for this picture, both before and after it was taken.  I thought that I looked fat.  I was convinced there were “rolls” on my stomach.

This picture was taken in Antigua on my honeymoon.  I did not let my husband take many pictures of me, but in this one I made sure that I had a sarong over the “fat parts”.  I wish I had known how lucky I was then.

In this picture I am 5 months pregnant with my 2^nd child.  I was pretty comfortable and confident in this bathing suit.   I wish I could have bottled that confidence for after my daughter was born.

I don’t write this as a pity party for me… more as an awakening that I am finally growing up and into my skin, literally.  I will be worried that someone is judging me, but at the same time I am proud of myself.  Now I won’t look back when I am 90 and wish that I had appreciated my 30 year old self.  30, consider yourself appreciated! FYI I will add a picture once I have a tan and a bikini I love.