Telephobia...

My mother and sisters are afraid of spiders.  I don’t really mind them if they aren’t crawling on me.  My brother is afraid of people who don’t make maintaining themselves a priority. My husband is afraid of vegetables.  We all have our fears.  The thing that gives me the heebie-jeebies is the phone.  I hate it and I am afraid of it.  There are more people with telephobia out there than you might think. Here are my top 5 reasons why:

5. There is no escape. The cell phone can reach you anywhere.  In the past, when I wanted to avoid someone or a responsibility, I could just stay away from the house and they could call and leave messages, which isn’t the same as saying “no” on the phone.  Most of the time I have to mentally prepare myself to make or receive certain phone calls.  Cell phone calls are kind of like a sneak attack.  I have trouble saying “no”.  Some people can say this word without even thinking about it.  I have found that I can only say it on special occasions and rarely on the phone.

4. Phone stalking.  Everyone has their personal phone stalker.  Sometimes it is that friend that just calls and calls, and other people are married to them.  Sometimes when I am alone I want to be ALONE and the phone makes that impossible.  Rather than take the hint that I have not answered the phone, these lovely individuals just call repeatedly until they get through.

3. I count rings… When I was in high school I worked at a Chinese restaurant called the Lilac Blossom.  The boss was a total tyrant and used fear and humiliation to get us to work harder.  When you were a hostess you were only allowed to let the phone ring three times.  If it rang more than that you KNEW she was going to be right around the corner to tell you how lazy you were, [loudly] “Izbae (she couldn’t pronounce Elizabeth), whya your sista smarrta than you?  What you do up there?  Maybe I call your sista and she do your job? The phone ring 4 times, disturb whole restaurant, you answer right away.”  So at home, when I am running for the phone, I am counting wondering if a short, dictatorial Chinese woman is going to pop out of one of my closets if I don’t answer it in three rings.

2. You can’t read people over the phone.  They say that 80% of communication is visual.  You can see people’s expressions and their eyes to see if they are agreeing with you or just paying you lip service.   I put my foot in my mouth constantly and I count on visual cues to let me know that I need to apologize, retract my statement, or retreat.

1.  I learned it from my mom!  Ok, so we blame a lot of things on our parents, but this one I can definitely claim.  When we were little it was our job to answer the phone.  I don’t think my mom ever did it.  We had to say, “Hello, this is the Rennix residence, how may I help you?”  We would then tell my mother who was calling, since the phone was rarely for us.  I think we eventually saw that my mother would tense up when she was on the phone and use her “mom on the phone” voice.  When I was older I could even tell who she was on the phone with based on how natural her voice was.  I think every mom masters that transition of, “(angry/frustrated) Haven’t I told you… ring ring… never to… ring ring… climb on the furniture.  Go to your room…ring ring… (sweetly) hello?”  I will say that caller ID has made phones much easier to navigate, but I always feel terrible when I screen a call…

So now that everyone I know that reads this blog knows I am neurotic, and that it is my mother’s fault, I am ready to overcome my fear.  On Friday I will officially become a Pampered Chef consultant, and I will have to use the phone every day to call people I don’t know and ask them things.   I am hoping that my anxiety will eventually ebb, and maybe by the time I am ready to re-enter the work force I won’t have to filter my job search by phone use…